Hearing From Daddy

This is my first “blog” post for nearly 4 years!! Yes, I am still alive 😊

I am not going to promise I am going to be writing once a month but I am going to say after the weekend that has just passed I feel an urge, or a nudge, from a certain “Father” that I ought to just type a few words out every now and then as I once did, share it and let it be used as it will.

Hearing From Daddy

I know this next sentence will depend on how your relationship has been with your Earthly father but:

I love it when I am with my Dad and we chat and discuss and enjoy time together just putting the world to rights.

The greatest debates and discussions have not been about fishing, (something we have done together most of our lives and completely love), not about our beloved West Ham whom we have supported all our lives (we rather struggle to keep up to date with players in this modern era), nor about politics, (where we often have interesting differences) nor about food (which we both love).

No: The best discussions I have with my Dad is speaking about the things of God and the lessons to be learned from the Bible! Because we make time to listen to each other and allow each other “space” to express our views. And if you now us that is not always easy to say the least because both of us have strong views and opinions and we like to express them. But we know how to let each other have the space we need for our discussions to be fruitful and meaningful.

If I am ever checking over my prep for a sermon he is the one I would go to get an opinion and receive genuinely constructive criticism

This past weekend, as a church family, we had a theme of “Raising The Bar” at our weekend away. Within that, two wonderful people, Paige & Jonathan Squirrell led our sessions which were titled; Worship, Intimacy, Identity, Authority and Service.

One thing that ran through all of this was that everything we do is about developing our relationship with the Father.

And they used a visual demonstration of a table set out for two people and one seat was for Daddy God and the other was for you or me, by way of a special invitation to meet with the Father.

Now I hasten to say I am not giving true justice to everything that was said and admit that is a highly paraphrased version. But some of the key messages were that Daddy invites me, invites us to feast at the special table with Him so that we can really get to know Him and that He can enjoy time with us.

But the question was what else do we bring to the table? Do we let that experience be a unique one on one time with the Father, or do we allow other areas of our lives to creep in and take over until finally we have set up a third chair at the table and that issue/sin/interference has been invited as well, and it is no longer this intimate special moment between a Father who loves me/us dearly and His son/daughter (me and you)?

I put that as a background to what I really wanted to share: Yesterday during our final session together, we were asked “What has God revealed to me about Himself and about me over this weekend?”

Now I had already received one revelation the day before (but that is for another time possibly) but I did not find it easy. As the organiser of the event there were times when I was thinking about the next stage of the schedule, were people okay, were the children alright, were the catering team coping etc. etc. And whilst I did listen to every word from Jonathan & Paige during reflective times I honestly got distracted every now and then.

But this time round we were at the end of everything with nothing but dinner and some clearing up to do, and I sat and just listened quietly to the background music I had put on and could sense all around me God impacting people as I heard small sobs and quiet crying (if that makes sense) and just knew, as you can sometimes sense that God was really at work.

And then it was if He was speaking into my ear and everything else was just a hum of sound in the background and I felt within me that I heard the following:

“I have chosen you and invited you, personally, to have intimate times with me. I have set aside time for you personally so we can get to know each other so much better. The truth is I know ALL about you, but you do not know all about me and what I have for you.

And you do come to the table I have laid out for us, and you do sit down. And we start to have a conversation but too quickly you want to rush away and just do “stuff”, and you do not stay at the table long enough for you to really hear from me and get to know me!! SO: Sit, Stay Don’t Rush Away!”

As this was being said to me I was busily writing it all down, and as I was doing so I was thinking, God you so know me. That is so true. I do settle down to spend time with Father, I do pull up my chair to that table he has set out for me, but He was right (isn’t he always though 😊) that I do draw up a third chair oh too quickly that is business or activities that could be and should be left to one side so that I can focus on hearing what He is saying to me.

My intention is to find that time slot where I can just sit and be with my Daddy, to have that “conversation” with Him to take the time to listen to what He is saying and to continue to grow in my intimate relationship with my Heavenly Daddy

God Bless Steve x

Let Your Light Shine!!

I am sitting writing this in a place that has become to be known as my “office” and I look out of the window and outside it is pouring with rain.

Sitting here in the warm I have so far enjoyed poached eggs on toast with beans and a tomato and two cups of coffee. I am also enjoying the fact that I have free internet access and a few hours to myself today before I head into work.

I have recently started working part time in the Norton Rooms (a café/bar situated within the grounds of the Shrine of Our Lady of Walsingham) in Little Walsingham, the village where I live. At the moment this is a temporary role until the end of the year and having recently retired from my previous employment due to ill-health the income I get is helping supplement the Pension I shall now be receiving.

One of the duties at 6pm in the evening is to place lighted candles on all the interior and exterior tables for that added “ambiance” for the guests. It looks quite effective and the outside candles are lit inside a small wind resistant glass and metal holder.

Two nights ago when I was working the late shift it was raining, and I questioned why on Earth we would be putting the candles out in the rain (it was gentle rain and not like the downpour we are having today). I was simply told they go out in all weathers and so went and placed them on the tables.

Last night I was on my own for a few hours and got absolutely swamped by a party of people from Sweden (around 50ish) who all came in and the same moment. Thankfully they were very accommodating and patient and I soon rattled through them all and the room was fairly full (it holds around 60/70). I took a moment to draw breath and gave some thought to what I needed to do over the next hour or so to prepare the area for the evening. There was a lot to do (don’t tell everyone but I have to do the washing up as well so my work was going to be cut out). The last thing I needed was those candles being lit and placed outside I was going to be busy enough.

Needless to say when the party left for their evening meal I cleared the room cleaned tables got all the dirty washing racked up out of the way and prepared, lit and placed out all of the candles. As I was doing so I started humming “This little light of mine, I’m gonna’ let it shine” and my thoughts turned to a blog I wrote on this blog site: This Little Light Of Mine

As I thought about this very old song and my old blog from November 2011, I thought about these candles that were annoying me in a different “light” (let’s see how many puns I can do).

God has called us as believers to shine a light into this world. He does not say and has never said “shine a light when you are feeling good/when you feel like it/on the good days/on the sunny days”.

No, He just says let your light shine.

Those candles I was getting fed up with go outside and on the tables in all weathers. I need to reflect God at all times. This will mean that sometimes I/we don’t do a very good job.

But maybe we end up “trying” too hard. Our lives should be a reflection, just doing what we do each and every day, whether at work or at home or in your “office”.

My “office” is the Weatherspoon’s in Fakenham. I have sat on one of my usual tables (67) and had a conversation with a lady I have never met before, a Grandmother with her young grandson. She cares for him on odd mornings to help her daughter while she works. She finds it hard to entertain him all the time as he wants to “play” and mix with people.

Light Moment!! I shared with her about the Little Fishes parent and toddlers work we have at our church every Tuesday morning, and she intends to pop along and have a look. I really hope that she does as she will meet a great group of mums and grandmothers there and not only will her grandson meets other children of the same age but she will get some “adult” conversation.

I am not sharing that for a “well done”, that’s not what I am about. Rather to say our “light” should shine at any time. If we just allow ourselves to be in places where it has the potential to be used then God will present an opportunity where you can either choose to shine your light or you can choose to just let the moment go by.

Go on, take a risk. Shine today.

God Bless Steve

Let’s Call It “A Fresh Start”

Truthfully I am not sure what I would call what has recently taken place but, “A New Start” is possibly quite appropriate and so that’s what it is.

I know I still have much to understand from this and I believe God has still to reveal much more to me, so this is where I am at now and not suggesting I have reached the end of this particular chapter in my life.

As I reflect on what has taken place over the past eighteen months I can see how God has kept His hand on my life even if at the time things were happening I was not sure why.

At the time many of these things took place I did not know all of what I share but I have been told by others about what was going on and happening (this will be clear as I get into this)

Now: I am going to try and keep this brief and punchy (so will leave loads of detail out – if you want that email me, inbox me on Facebook or ask me in person when you see me).

God has had His hand in so much of our lives over the past eighteen months but none more so than the last couple of weeks;

What Happened:

On Thursday April 10^th Julie (my wife) Kim (my daughter) and I were at home. At around 13:15 I felt faint/dizzy, nauseous, blurred vision, breathless all at once with no real warning. I had had similar “turns” 3 or 4 times over previous months but simply sat down rested and got through them and felt fine after. I had been treated for high blood pressure for several months and a recent MRI had highlighted that I had a hereditary condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (thickening of the muscle of the heart)

I immediately sat down but did not start to feel any better so went to my bedroom where it was cooler. Julie asked if she should go to work or not and I told her I’d be fine just go. I lay down on my bed feeling less dizzy but very clammy/sweaty and out of breath and still feeling nauseous. Kim checked on me regularly I was still poorly but said I’d be fine – after all I had got through this before.

After about 2 hours of not getting any better Anne (my sister in law – Julie’s sister) came round. Anne works in the care industry nursing people in their homes. Pretty immediately she took my pulse and found it to be at 37bpm. By now Julie came in from work and they both called the surgery and we were taken straight there by Anne. Julie helped me out of the car but I nearly collapsed as I got through the surgery doors. I was placed into a wheelchair and taken straight to the doctor. After the doctor seeing me for a few minutes she sent me for an ECG. The results showed that I had dropped further to a pulse of 26bpm. I was immediately taken through to the treatment room and two doctors and a nurse attended me and two of the reception team were going back and forth. My own doctor heard that I was in the treatment room and came down to assist and see how I was. Julie remained alongside me throughout this and I was not entirely aware of the significance of what was happening.

The surgery had called for an ambulance and within a few minutes a paramedic arrived. Both the surgery doctors and the paramedic placed cannulas into my arms, I was given oxygen and an injection (I think). I was continually being monitored with probes all over my chest/upper body. The reception team continued coming back and forth relaying messages I did not fully hear. Fairly soon the ambulance crew arrived and the joined in with stabilising me. Discussions I did not fully hear were taking place throughout.

I later found out that they were discussing waiting for the Air Ambulance to complete their current job and then fly to Fakenham to fly me into hospital. They had worked out that if no traffic blocked the way the ambulance was about 10 mins quicker and so that was the mode of emergency transport we took. The ambulance crew had been instructed to take me to Kings Lynn because of 40mins delays at Norwich A&E but the surgery doctor insisted on Norwich as I was already a known patient to the Consultants there and they had already rung in to tell them to expect me and Norwich had accepted the “booking”.

Even when I was taken into the ambulance I did not realise the seriousness. I was told it was an uncomfortable ride (having never been in one before) and I said well that won’t be so bad we won’t be rushing too much. I was then told we would be going under “blues and twos” – even that did not make me realise how serious things were.

During the trip to hospital my pulse dropped further to 20bpm!! At this point the driver was asked to go as quickly as possible (he was already going fairly quick anyway). Just after the drop to 20bpm the technician put a call into CCU (Coronary Care Unit) and persuaded them to accept me straight in bypassing the A&E department, and they agreed.

Upon arrival I was placed into my own room onto monitors and had a range of observations taken. I was told they would be stabilising me in preparation for the Consultancy round the following day but they did not know which Consultants would be leading the round. They told me about a range of emergency procedures they could do if things worsened none of which I particularly fancied and so I determined to stay awake all night so they knew I was “okay”.

In the morning (Friday11th April) the Consultants came round and I was told I was being placed on the list, first in, for that afternoon. I was also told that I had suffered complete Heart Block beyond level 3 (Heart Block is the shutting down of the electrical impulses that control the hearts beat, and it has 3 levels, 1 being the least of an issue and 3 being those at around 37bpm – I had gone way beyond that). I was also told I was only his 4^th ever patient to have the combined conditions that I had. At that point he addressed the team that came in with him and told them if they ever saw a patient like this they must realise it was rare, very rare, and not assume it was normal in any way and so would need further investigation.

I was later being prepared for the procedure by Helen the nurse in charge of my room and we talked about me going down, and I said I suppose I would so long as an emergency did not come along. She looked at me and said “No you will be going down at 2:30pm because I was the emergency!!” The registrar came and saw me as he was going to do the operation and talked me through everything that would take place and at 2pm I was taken down. The procedure (I was told normally takes about 20-25 mins but with all the prep it would be about 45mins in all).

I went into the operating room at around 2.30pm and was given local anaesthetic (oh yes local, awake all the time, and having conversations with both the registrar and the nursing and technical team). During the procedure there was an issue with the size of my veins so that he was unable to follow the “normal” way of inputting the device and had to start an alternative method. During that time the Consultant came into the room and the discussed what was happening and the Registrar requested advice and in the end the Consultant led the rest of the procedure. When they switched the Pace maker “on” I was breathing normally within about 30 seconds, pretty amazing stuff!

It was just over 2 hours before I was returned to the ward.

I was restless through the night quite sore and ached a lot, but was well looked after by the nursing staff. On the Saturday, after being monitored all night long and all morning, I was fully tested by the Pace Maker technician and he was delighted and I was released home at 4pm finally arriving home around 5pm. To celebrate we ordered a take away Chinese. Whilst waiting for my son to pick up the meals I felt my tee shirt and found that I was bleeding and after a telephone call was instructed to return to Norwich hospital and A&E and that the cardiology team would come down and see me. My son managed to get his friend to take me in.

The poor lady on reception thought I had been stabbed or shot, but as soon as I told her who I was and why I was there she knew who I was and I was taken to a nurses room. The cardiologist on call came down and saw me and confirmed I would need to stay overnight and would likely need to be re-stitched. In the end I stayed all weekend, being re-stitched on the Monday and returning home later that evening. Over that weekend I was able to meet a few real characters and we shared our stories and we shared some real laughs. For one of them, Terry, I was able to spend some time with him after he had been told his prognosis was not good and there was little they could do to help at that time. Sometimes there is so very little to say and you just have to be there for people.

When I was waiting in A&E I was placed into a waiting area waiting for a porter to come down for me. During that time one of the doctors came to have a chat and check I was okay. He asked me about how everything had happened and why I was back.

This was THE MOMENT I knew for the first time how bad things really could have been.

I told him about the “turn” I had at home and that I was trying to lie down and sleep it off and just “get through it”. He said “Do you realise that if you had gone to sleep you would most likely to have gone into a coma, but no one would have realised, and you probably would not have awoken as your heart was simply slowly shutting everything down”!!!!

SO where was God in all this you may ask, it doesn’t sound very good, and isn’t He meant to look after you/me? Well here goes.

GODS HAND:

My line manager had called a meeting in Hursley (240+ miles away) on the Friday morning and I was going to go down that way on the Thursday and stay at a friend’s near to that office. At 09:30 that Thursday morning he cancelled the meeting!!: GODS HAND

IF I had been travelling down, and given my plan was to leave home at 12:00, I would have been on the A11 traveling at around 60mph. The doctor told me in A&E had I been sitting up or had I remained standing I most likely would have blacked out!!: GODS HAND

My sister in law is very close to us and we see each other regularly and in particular she and Julie see each other at least once a week. But it is always in Fakenham where she lives. She comes over at Christmas but that is about it. She really never comes around at other times. She came round that day!!! GODS HAND

No one in my house had a clue how bad things were, I was happy just trying to recover as i had before. Kim and Julie trusted what I was saying as this had happened before although to a lesser degree. Anne knew exactly what to do and checked my vital signs and knew I was in trouble and was able to trigger the calls to the surgery!!! GODS HAND

I am a very big man and Julie and Anne managed to get me into her car, and get me out at the surgery and I managed to get into the surgery with minimal help. They did not have the strength and I wasn’t that sure of what I was doing!!! GODS HAND

The ambulance crew had been instructed to take me to Kings Lynn but the doctor at the surgery stepped in and insisted on Norwich and the crew agreed to change their destination!! GODS HAND

On the way over things worsened for me and instead of just accepting A&E would prioritise me and where I would go once at the hospital the guy took it on himself to get me booked directly into CCU!! GODS HAND

There was no idea which consultancy team would be on the rounds on the Friday. It was MY CONSULTANT he knew me, knew my history, and knew all the investigative work going on. Knew everything that was needed without having to obtain records. Kings Lynn would NOT have had those records because the IT systems between Kings Lynn and Norwich are not linked. MY CONSULTANT!! GODS HAND

When things did not go to plan during the op the registrar impressed me absolutely by not trying to just get through it in front of his manager (my Consultant) but said please help and advise me. He was humble!!! GODS HAND

My Consultant had been operating in the room next door. He finished his surgery and came through to our room just at the time the Registrar need help and assistance!!! GODS HAND

So please hear me.

God did NOT cause these things to happen to me, the Heart Block etc. but, he knew they were going to happen and so placed people into my life at the VERY moment I would need them and into the places I would need them to be and created the circumstances to come together so that I would be looked after and would be made safe.

OH and God does not stop there.

I recently had been applying for other jobs as I believe I am being called into a new season somewhere, there is a mass of stuff behind that which is not for here, but some people reading this will know. I was highly confident of an interview I went for and everything looked amazing, but I failed a numerical test which meant I was unable to progress. I could not believe it as numbers are a very strong point for me.

Do you know what? IF I had got that or any new job I would be on probation now. I would not be fully contracted and would not be entitled to sick pay!!! GODS HAND

YES God even had His HAND there too knowing I would need financial cover for a time and He saw fit that this was the way He would ensure that for my family.

GOD IS GOOD AT ALL TIMES!! He watches over His loved ones and He sees them even when they “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” YES HE IS WITH ME

AMEN!!

Where Do You Invest? Where is Your Deposit?

Do we not long for personal healthy finances?

I am not talking about the greed of wanting millions of pounds or dollars in the bank.

I mean just that we have enough money to pay our way and maybe just that little bit in case of that “emergency” that comes along.

That time when you just need to reach into your residue of funds and make a withdrawal to help you out of that emergency.

Do we apply good stewardship over our finances?

Do we learn to work to a personal or family budget so we have enough to see us through each week or each month?

We live in financially turbulent times.

Many people have lived outside of that good “stewardship”.

Many have used finance that they had not “earned” by taking on credit, by taking on a debt that so often we cannot pay back.

Too many so often live for the “now” for the “immediate” and do not make any investment at all, no matter how small into our future

A good steward, a wise man, would make financial plans for the future.

A good steward will consider that the “emergency” may come and plan to prepare for such a circumstance and put aside some savings, or invest in a pension.

A good steward will use what they have earned not what they may earn or hope to earn in the future.

A good steward will be making deposits in their “savings” account.

Well how is it with the Kingdom of God?

Are we making deposits in the Kingdom of God?

When we want to make a withdrawal is there something there to draw on?

Are we tithing my time and making my investments count?

Are we investing in the future and planning for those “emergencies”?

Are we creating a “savings” account that we can draw upon when we need to?

I am not referring to money in this instance. Of course good financial stewardship and financially investing in the Kingdoms work on Earth is quite right. But money is not the investment I am writing about.

How much time do we invest in the scriptures?

When we want to recall something from the Bible have we made Kingdom deposits so that when we call upon scripture there is a deposit there that we can withdraw from?

Are we tithing our time so we spend that time growing deeper into His word?

When that “emergency”  happens, when you are called upon to recall something from scripture have you spent the time investing and building the storehouse so that when we call upon it there is something for you to grab hold of?

Just as we need to, and in most cases really want to, be careful with the finances we have and make good solid decisions in what we use those monies for, so should we also be careful in what we do with the far more precious gift of the Holy Bible. 

We need to invest our time each and every day building a surplus of understanding and familiarity and when we need to call upon it we can be confident that there is a suitable deposit stored up for us that we can know it is there when we need it.

Invest wisely. 

Invest in God. 

Invest in the Word. 

And build up an investment that, unlike our money, is guaranteed to be safe and secure for today and all time.

God Bless

I Corinthians 13 Re-Write

Recently in our Life Group we were asked to look at 1 Corinthians 13 and re-write the chapter in our own words.

So this is it: Please have a read if you would and just ponder what this passage means to you, and maybe write your own version, it was a great experience. God Bless You All:

1 Corinthians 13 (MySpiritSings Re-Write)

Even though I play the guitar and sing, it’s going to be flat if I don’t have a love and passion deep within me that brings those things out, then it’s just pretend, a front, unreal, in fact, it would be a lie. I can write and speak about so many things but again if I do not do all that with love in my heart then it is a lie.

It’s amazing when you take time to speak with the homeless, the Big Issue seller, who really is annoying sometimes with his “Please bye my magazine”, or as Simon shouts in Norwich, “Come and form a queue to buy my Big Issue”, the story that exists under the surface of what they “appear” to be. Looks are deceiving and are often based on my own bias. It is love and not pity that must drive my reason for engaging with them, for providing some financial and practical help.

Only through love can I ever hope to learn to be patient when others frustrate me, when situations come on top of me, to be kind to those I don’t really want to be kind to because it is too much hassle. And it’s no good talking about what I do at all, unless it is to encourage others, to uplift them, and it is always said without boasting and simply in love. I need to absorb God’s love deep inside me infusing every part of me so that I can honour those around me.

And Love just surpasses everything else that exists. No greater love has ever been demonstrated than God’s love for me. And because of His abundant love for me I am always protected from the arrows that fly at me, and all through that I can always trust that He has everything in hand, I have a constant hope for my present and my future and He will never stop loving me and bringing the course of my life into alignment with His plans and purposes.

I hear God’s voice speaking over me, the Prophets He has set aside speak encouragement over my life, and I know they are filled with my Daddy’s love and concern for my life. But those will change for me as they are fulfilled and as my life changes. But God’s single constant through my life in His abundant love. And one day I will be shown what I can only imagine, I will know what now I can only guess and surmise about. On that final day when Jesus comes to take me home everything will become whole in a way I can never dream is possible.

Years have passed me by, I first told Jesus I loved Him when I was 6, and I was only able to understand that He was my “friend” and I knew there were great stories about everything He completed in such a short life time. I was fed with small pieces of knowledge at a level at which I could understand at that time. But as I grew up I was fed more knowledge, I gained a greater understanding and awareness of who God was and is and what He had done for me because of His undying grace and love. As I have grown and matured I have been taught and nurtured in ways that I could never have understood or coped with a s a child.

On Earth I see so many good and anointed things, things that can only have come from God’s grace and love, but I know that this is only a part of what is still to come, and if my life on Earth finishes tomorrow then for those left behind there is still far more to come. When He finally takes me home Daddy will show me the realities of what I can only have hope and faith for, and in, now.

My faith is how I try to build the foundations of my life. I sometimes make an error or two, but my faith in Father God comes through. I have a certain and sure hope that He will take me home in His timing, and on His terms, but I know that He has prepared a place for me at His right hand. And over all of this every day in all things I find Father’s love poring through and I ask and pray that His love will become more evident in my life and become that impact in and on the lives of others regardless of their faith or lack of hope. God calls me to love everyone, they may not have a faith or a hope but they can have love and they can receive love.

That is why the greatest thing I can be shown and I can show to others is LOVE. 

Amen.